Papandreou Resigns, Renounces Socialism

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George A. Papandreou, the current Greek Prime Minister and President of the Socialist International announced today that he has become disillusioned with leftist dogma, and is retiring from politics. "The problem with socialism is that eventually you run out of other people's money", said Papandreou, quoting Margaret Thatcher. "I thought it was just a right-wing cliche, but it's true, and so painful." The remarks came two days after Greece's unexpected sale of 12-year bonds raised only 390 million euros, far short of the 1 billion-euro target.

Sources close to the Prime Minister say he was particularly dumbfounded by the relevation that one of the biggest speculators betting against Greece was the state-run Hellenic Post Bank. "There I was, telling anyone in Brussels, Berlin, and Washington who would listen that it was the fault of those darned foreign speculators. Why didn't anyone tell me?" complained a weary Papandreou to no one in particular.

Another distressing revelation about his own family, a political dynasty in Greece, also influenced the decision, according to insiders. "It seems Daddy never really cared about worker's rights, economic fairness, or even feminism," sighed Papandreou, referring to his late father and former Prime Minister Andreas, "It was just a front for seizing power, and keeping the public under control." "Everyone was in on it, even Mom. But I really believed it." he groaned, with some bitterness. "'From each according to his ability, to each according to his...', oh, what's the use?"

"I bet they're in on it, too"

Asked about his future plans, a spokesman had no comment, but Papandreou was seen visiting the office of Petros Christodoulou, the director of the Greek Public Debt Management, where sources close to Christodoulou say the former PM was asking if "any more of those credit default swaps are available for purchase".